This page contains words written by Leonard Lehrman
for music in response to Tom Lehrer

A Clementine Kaddish
(for the missing verse in Tom Lehrer's "Clementine";
music by Leonard Lehrman, Copyright 1984)

Ruby lips above the water
Blowing bubbles 'til there's no more sign of 'er
But alas, I was no swimmer
So I lost my Clementinaleh.
Out of sight, but not of mindaleh,
Left me in a sort of bindaleh.
O God, why didn't you teach me how to svim.
That woulda been
divine o' ya.
But oy vey,
She's gone avay.
Zi gezunt, mein Clementinaleh.
Goodbye, Clementine, you'll be missed,
And now let the choir be dismissed!
To which we must say:

Goot Yuntif
(a rejoinder to "Hanukka in Santa Monica")
words by Leonard Lehrman, Copyright 1991

But I hear cavilling:
Why limit all your travelling?
Have a Pesach in your face - ach! Go away!
Spend Simchas Torah in Bora Bora.
Shmini Atzares spend in Paris or Calais - or Mandalay!
A travel agent can surely book us
To Ankor Wat for Tu Bishvat and then what not for Sukkos!
Like Samoa for Yom Hashoah,
Middle-of-Nowhere for Lag B'Omer,
Yerushalayim for Yom Ha'atsmaoot.
The cantor will be sure to kick us if we fail to mention Slichos.
You could try Somalia for fasting at Gedaliah,
Though if you love to fish you'll love the Vis(h)tula at Tisha B'ov.
Goot Yuntif! So make it goot!